Six Characters in Search of an Arthur
by Dead Composer
Summary: Arthur is lost in another world...our world! Can his friends save him? Can they save themselves?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: As a result of a long and bitter copyright battle, Marc Brown owns the Arthur characters, and I don't, darnit.  
  
This story is rated PG due to some brief violence and scary situations.  
  
Note: If you haven't already guessed, this story is a parody of "Six Characters in Search of an Author" by Luigi Pirandello.  
  
----  
  
A sudden jolt, like the feeling of a car running over a large rock, aroused Francine from her slumber.  
  
It seemed to her that she was no longer in her bedroom. "Catherine?" she called quietly. No answer came.  
  
She was lying on a hard, gently vibrating surface, surrounded by complete darkness. After a few seconds the vibrations stopped, and after a few more seconds they started again. She could hear muffled street sounds from all directions.  
  
"Catherine?" she called again. "Mom? Dad? Nemo?" Nobody answered.  
  
A chill ran down her spine and into her stomach. "I've been kidnapped," she said to herself. Terrifying worst-case scenarios began to flood her mind. She would never see her family or friends again. She would never see Muffy again...  
  
"Francine?" came Muffy's voice from the darkness.  
  
"Muffy? Is that you?" asked Francine hopefully.  
  
"Where are we?" said Muffy's voice. "I can't see a thing."  
  
"It feels like we're in the back of a moving truck," Francine remarked.  
  
There was the sound of someone fumbling with keys, and then a beam of light suddenly pierced the darkness. Lying still, Francine followed the light with her eyes. From the limited details she could make out--metal walls with wooden planks along them--it did, indeed, look like the inside of the back of a cargo truck.  
  
"I've never been in the back of a truck before," said Muffy, who was now walking around in the enclosed area, shining the portable flashlight attached to her key chain.  
  
"That's what it looks like to me," said Francine as she pushed herself into a sitting position. "Where do you suppose they're taking us?"  
  
"I haven't the foggiest." Muffy grabbed her cell phone, flipped it open, and was surprised when it didn't light up. She pushed the on button, but the phone didn't respond. "Hmm. I could've sworn I left it on the charger before going to bed."  
  
Francine was now standing. "Hey, Muffy, shine that light over here."  
  
Muffy pointed the light in the direction of Francine's voice. Francine looked down and was surprised to see that she was wearing a shirt and jeans.  
  
"What the... I don't remember changing out of my pajamas!"  
  
"Neither do I," said Muffy, astonished. "What's going on here, Francine?"  
  
"Would you girls shut up?" came a familiar voice. "I'm trying to sleep."  
  
Muffy turned the flashlight toward the place where the voice came from.  
  
"Fern?" said Muffy and Francine in unison.  
  
Fern, who was sitting in what appeared to be a light blue, plastic box, looked down and observed that she was dressed in her usual blouse. "What happened?" she asked, her expression one of confusion. "I had just gone to bed, and now I'm..."  
  
Muffy beamed the flashlight around the interior of the truck, revealing the presence of more children sleeping in plastic boxes--Arthur, Buster, Binky, and Brain. Francine and Fern became increasingly astonished and worried as they followed the path of the light.  
  
"This is really weird," Muffy commented. "It's like one of those science fiction movies. Maybe I'm dreaming."  
  
"Maybe we're all dreaming," Fern added as she rose to her feet. "But I don't feel sleepy at all."  
  
"Me, neither," said Francine. She reached down and shook Buster's left shoulder. "Buster, wake up!"  
  
The rabbit boy slowly opened his eyes, then bolted upright, shocked. "Huh? Where am I?"  
  
Francine stepped over to what she believed was the cargo door. "Muffy, shine your flashlight over here. Let me see if I can get this door open."  
  
As Muffy provided light for Francine to tinker with the door, Fern tapped the immobile Arthur on the shoulder. "Wake up, Arthur!" The aardvark didn't seem to notice Fern's attempts to arouse him. Finally she gave up, stepped past his box, and tapped Brain's shoulder. The boy's eyes snapped open.  
  
"Fern?" he said, confused. "What are you doing in my bedroom?"  
  
Fern didn't answer, but had started to shake Binky's shoulders to awaken him.  
  
Meanwhile, Francine was pulling up on the bottom of the cargo door with all her strength. Suddenly she heard a snapping sound, and the door started to roll open. "I think I broke something," she muttered. "Must be an old truck."  
  
The light of day streamed into the hold of the truck as Francine pushed up on the door, opening it completely. They were in what appeared to be a large, busy city, but it didn't look like any city they had ever seen. The colors, the lines, the letterings on the ads, and especially the people, looked...different, somehow.  
  
Muffy, Francine, Buster, Brain, and Binky watched from the back of the still-moving truck as the bizarre street scene scrolled by.  
  
Fern, in the meantime, was still shaking and gently slapping Arthur...but the boy did not wake up or even move.  
  
The truck coasted to a stop, apparently for a red light. "Fern! Arthur! Let's go!" cried Francine. She, Muffy, Buster, Binky, and Brain quickly leaped out of the truck and onto the crowded street, followed shortly afterward by the frantic-looking Fern.  
  
The kids glanced around at the strange-looking cityscape for a few more seconds, then turned as one to look at Fern, who had become wide-eyed and speechless.  
  
"Where's Arthur?" Francine demanded.  
  
Fern struggled to compose herself so that she could speak.  
  
"He's...dead!"  
  
(To be continued...) 


	2. Chapter 2

"DEAD?" cried Francine, Buster, Muffy, Binky, and Brain in disbelief.  
  
"He...he was stiff," said Fern fearfully. "He wasn't breathing."  
  
"The truck's leaving!" shouted Muffy, pointing.  
  
The kids turned their heads. The traffic signal had changed, and the truck, its cargo door still open, had started to roll down the street.  
  
"Follow it!" exclaimed Francine. "We've gotta get Arthur back!"  
  
Soon all six of them were racing down the middle of the street as fast as they could, with Francine in the lead. The truck, however, was too fast. It sailed through a green traffic light and was soon far out of their reach.  
  
The kids slowed down and stopped, breathing heavily. Before they had a chance to talk to each other, they heard a honking noise directly behind them. They turned and saw an angry-looking man (or what appeared to be a man), sticking his head out of the window of his light blue Honda.  
  
"What is this, a parade?" he shouted. "Get out of the street!"  
  
The children scrambled toward the sidewalk. The man pulled his head back into his car and drove down the street, followed by other impatient motorists who had the same unusual sort of appearance.  
  
Passing pedestrians gawked in wonder at the six kids as they stood on the sidewalk, discussing what they had just experienced.  
  
"What on Earth is this place?" said Francine, glancing around. The store fronts had large signs in front of them: Kentucky Fried Chicken, Walgreen's 24-Hour Pharmacy, True Believer Comic Books, Blockbuster Video, Luigi's Italian Bistro.  
  
"I don't think this is Earth," reflected Buster as he moved his eyes up and down the street.  
  
"I suppose you think we've been abducted by aliens," Brain snapped at him.  
  
"It sure looks that way," Buster went on. "I mean, look at these people. They're not like us. They all look the same. They must be clones."  
  
"Maybe Buster's right," said Binky as he examined a nearby group of chatting girls. "I've never seen noses like that on an Earth creature before."  
  
"I have," said Francine, folding her arms. "Jenna Morgan."  
  
"This can't be another planet," Brain observed. "All the signs are in English. Aliens wouldn't know our language."  
  
"Maybe it's another country," Fern suggested. "One that speaks English. I wonder if Sue Ellen's been here."  
  
"It must be the country of the color-blind people," said Muffy indignantly. "Look at those pale, washed-out colors. Vomitrocious!"  
  
"Are...are you sure Arthur's dead?" Binky asked Fern.  
  
"I've read all of Sherlock Holmes' mysteries," Fern replied. "I think I can tell when somebody's dead."  
  
"Did he smell bad?" asked Brain.  
  
"Uh...no," said Fern. "But maybe he was embalmed."  
  
"Maybe he was in suspended animation," Buster suggested.  
  
At that moment a red-haired woman with a nametag pinned to her dress came out through the door of Margaret's Fashions, the store in front of which the kids were standing.  
  
"Excuse me, kids," she said in a friendly voice, "but I think you're in front of the wrong store."  
  
The six kids looked at her quizzically. On her nametag was written, "Margaret Reznicek, Margaret's Fashions."  
  
"Pardon me, ma'am," said Brain formally, "but which store do you think we should be in front of?"  
  
Margaret Reznicek fingered her chin briefly. "Well, you are advertising for S'more Books, aren't you?"  
  
"What books?" Binky asked, puzzled.  
  
Margaret pointed toward the end of the block. While Muffy admired the many rings on the woman's fingers, the other kids noticed that one of the last shops on the block bore a sign that said, S'MORE BOOKS.  
  
"The children's bookstore," said Margaret. "Why else would you be standing around in costumes on a hot day like this?"  
  
"We're not wearing costumes," said the surprised Fern.  
  
"Right," said Margaret incredulously. "Well, I hope you sell a lot of books."  
  
As she stepped back into the fashion store, Muffy cleared her throat.  
  
"Just a minute, Margaret. I have a piece of advice for you. You'll sell a lot more clothing if you don't bleach everything before you put it on display."  
  
"Bleach...?" Margaret had no idea what Muffy was saying.  
  
"People are attracted to brightly colored garments like moths to a flame," Muffy continued.  
  
"Uh...thank you," said Margaret, still bewildered.  
  
"No charge," said Muffy as Margaret disappeared into the store.  
  
"That was weird," Fern remarked. "Why did she think we were wearing costumes?"  
  
"That should be obvious," said Buster. "To them, we're the aliens."  
  
"What do we do now?" asked Muffy, waving her hands. "We're completely lost, Arthur's dead, and worst of all, so is my cell phone."  
  
"I think we should go to the police," said Brain. "I memorized that truck's plate number, so they should be able to track it down. I don't want to give up on Arthur as long as there's a chance he's still alive."  
  
"Look, guys!" said Francine, pointing. "I see a police car!"  
  
The other kids turned their heads. Two blocks away, a police officer had left his car at the curb and was walking into a donut shop.  
  
"Let's go!" said Brain, and the six children started to run in the direction of the police car, past a dozen or so stupefied, blinking pedestrians.  
  
On the way they passed by S'more Books, the children's bookstore, which stood on the other side of the street.  
  
Suddenly Binky stopped. "What the..."  
  
Fern stopped as well. She pointed across the street. "Look at that!"  
  
All the kids froze. They couldn't believe what they were seeing.  
  
In the window of S'more Books was a huge, brightly colored poster featuring smiling, costumed caricatures of Arthur and D.W.  
  
(To be continued...) 


	3. Chapter 3

The six kids stood in front of S'more Books and examined the poster in stunned disbelief.  
  
"I don't get it," said Francine. "When did Arthur and D.W. become famous?"  
  
"The aliens must've brought us here so we could entertain them," said Buster.  
  
"They'll sure be disappointed when they find Arthur lying dead in the back of a truck," said Muffy.  
  
Brain glared at her. "We don't know if Arthur's really dead, Muffy."  
  
Fern pushed open the door to the children's bookstore. "The rest of you can do whatever you want, but I'm going to find some answers."  
  
The other kids followed her into the store, where they immediately became the center of attention.  
  
"Mommy, look!" said a six-year-old girl to her mother. "It's Francine! And Buster! And Muffy! And..."  
  
Before long, all of the "alien" kids in the store came running toward Buster, Francine, Muffy, Brain, Binky, and Fern. Within moments the sextet were surrounded by a mob of more than twenty children who were shouting, smiling, and calling them by their correct names (in most cases).  
  
"Are those ears real?" asked a seven-year-old boy before he grabbed one of Buster's ears and tried to yank it off.  
  
"Ouch!" cried Buster painfully. "Yeah, they're real!"  
  
"Hey, Brain," said a smiling eight-year-old blond girl, "will you do my math homework for me?"  
  
"Uh...sure," said Brain, thinking the girl was rather cute.  
  
"What's your nose made of?" asked a six-year-old boy as he tried to pull off Fern's nose.  
  
"These kids will tear us to pieces!" cried Muffy as she fended off a girl who was pulling on one of her braids. "Francine, do something!"  
  
"Brain, do something!" Francine said desperately to Brain.  
  
Brain swatted away a little boy who was tugging at his shirt, thought for a moment, and then said, "Binky, do something!"  
  
Binky raised a fist at the unruly children. "All right, you doofuses, back off or I'll clobber you!"  
  
His posturing only caused the children to laugh uproariously.  
  
At that moment a store clerk came toward them and started to push the children aside. "Kids, kids!" she exclaimed. "Give them room to breathe!"  
  
The children stepped back and formed a circle around the Elwood kids, gaping at them in awe.  
  
"Would you mind telling me who you are?" asked the clerk, who wore a light red blouse and a nametag that said "Thea".  
  
"Uh, I'm Francine Frensky," replied Francine, "and this is Muffy Crosswire..."  
  
"Very funny," said Thea seriously. "Do you work for the new theme park?"  
  
"What new theme park?" asked Buster.  
  
The clerk pointed to a nearby book stand, to the top of which was attached another brightly colored poster with Arthur's face on it.  
  
"Huh?" said the six kids together. They hurried over to the book stand and began to read the words on the poster.  
  
"Join Arthur and his friends in Orlando's newest theme park, Elwood City 3D!" said the amazed Brain.  
  
"It's the best theme park ever," said the blond girl who had asked him for math assistance. "It opens next week. I'm gonna be first in line."  
  
"No, you're not. I am," said the boy who had tried to pull off Fern's nose.  
  
Fern was still rubbing her nose when she picked up a book from the stand. To her surprise, the title was ARTHUR'S VALENTINE. She started to leaf through the pages.  
  
"This is very strange," said Brain when he glanced at the book. "It's as if we've entered a world where we're regarded as fictional characters."  
  
"But you ARE fictional!" exclaimed the boy who had yanked Buster's ear.  
  
"No, we're not," said Francine, glowering at him. "We're just as real as you."  
  
In the meantime, Muffy perused the titles on a nearby shelf and pulled out a book called ARTHUR AND THE TRUE FRANCINE. "Hey, Francine," she called, "this one's about you."  
  
As Francine went to Muffy's side, Fern closed the book she had been skimming. "I don't have any lines in this book," she told Brain. "And the cat girl doesn't look like Sue Ellen at all." She replaced the book on the stand.  
  
"Omigosh!" cried Muffy, disgusted. "That's not me! Look at those horrible buck teeth!"  
  
"And what on Earth happened to Arthur's nose?" Francine added. "He looks like an aardvark."  
  
"What's Prunella doing in our class?" asked Buster as he examined yet another book.  
  
"Am I really that stupid?" asked Binky, who held the book ARTHUR'S APRIL FOOL in his hands.  
  
Muffy glanced over at the cashier's counter and noticed that Brain was talking to someone on the telephone. "Tell me how it ends," she said, handing her book to Francine.  
  
"Sorry about that. Goodbye," said Brain. As he put down the receiver, he noticed Muffy approaching him.  
  
"You've got the right idea, as usual," she said to him. "Since my cell phone's not working, I'll just use a landline."  
  
"You won't get through," said Brain with a hint of sadness. "I just called my parents' number. Somebody else is living there."  
  
Muffy's jaw dropped. "You mean..."  
  
"Our parents don't exist," Brain continued. "Elwood City doesn't exist. It's all a fictional creation."  
  
"But...but..." Muffy's voice was tinged with panic. "We're real, aren't we, Brain?"  
  
"I can see you." Brain put a hand on Muffy's shoulder. "I can feel you. The kids in the store can see us and feel us. So we must be real."  
  
Muffy's eyes brimmed with tears. "I'm scared, Alan. What if whoever brought us here...whoever killed Arthur...is still after us?"  
  
Brain lowered his head and put his hands in his pockets. "I'm scared, too," he said quietly.  
  
(To be continued...) 


	4. Chapter 4

"Good luck at the theme park," called Thea the clerk as Buster, Francine, Muffy, Brain, Binky, and Fern left the bookstore. Their excited young fans spilled out onto the sidewalk, cheering and waving goodbye.  
  
The cute blond girl caught up with Brain, smiled at him, and slipped a piece of paper into his hand. He quickly examined it and saw that the name Bella Tarski, and a phone number, were written on it. He grinned slightly and stuffed the paper into his pants pocket.  
  
"She said the police station was that way," said Francine, pointing down the street in a westerly direction. The adoring kids shuffled back into the bookstore as they heard their parents calling.  
  
"No, I think she said it was that way," said Buster, pointing eastward.  
  
"I think Francine's right," said Muffy.  
  
"Well, I agree with Buster," said Binky.  
  
"I'm pretty sure she said that way," said Fern, pointing to the west.  
  
All eyes turned to Brain, who was staring dreamily into space.  
  
"Well, smart boy?" said Francine sarcastically.  
  
"Huh?" Brain suddenly snapped out of his trance.  
  
"Which way is the police station?" Francine asked him.  
  
"That way," said Brain quickly, pointing to the east.  
  
"I think he's just siding with the boys," Muffy said to Francine.  
  
"What makes you so sure it's that way?" Fern asked Brain.  
  
Brain pointed to a green-and-white sign attached to a lamp post about ten yards away, upon which were printed the words POLICE STATION and an arrow.  
  
"Oh..." said Francine with a hint of embarrassment.  
  
"Hmph!" grunted Muffy. "You boys can do it the hard way if you want. As for me, I'm going to ask for directions."  
  
----  
  
"Sit down, kids," said the young policewoman behind the desk. On her nametag was engraved the last name Gonzales. As the Elwood kids took seats, a male officer entered the room and surveyed them with surprise and interest.  
  
"Halloween's not for another three months," he remarked. His tag bore the name Clancy.  
  
"We are NOT trick-or-treaters," said Muffy indignantly.  
  
Officer Gonzales took a pen out of a Disney World mug and prepared to write on her notepad. "What are your names, kids?"  
  
"I'm Buster Baxter," said Buster.  
  
"And I'm Francine Frensky," said Francine.  
  
"And I'm Binky Barnes," said Binky.  
  
"I sense a pattern emerging," said Officer Clancy, who remained standing.  
  
"I'm Muffy Crosswire," said Muffy. "As in, Crosswire Motors."  
  
"Crosswire Motors?" said Officer Clancy. "Never heard of it."  
  
"My name's Fern Walters," said Fern.  
  
"And I'm Alan Powers," said Brain, "but my friends call me The Brain."  
  
"Okay, enough with the jokes," said Officer Gonzales impatiently. "What are your real names?"  
  
"We just told you our real names," said Francine firmly.  
  
"Right," said the policewoman incredulously. "And I suppose the next thing you'll tell me is that Arthur the Aardvark is missing and presumed dead."  
  
"How did you know?" asked Fern, surprised.  
  
"My kid watches your show," Officer Gonzales replied.  
  
"Show?" said Buster, looking at the others. "We have a show?"  
  
"Yes," Gonzales continued, "and now he wants to go to your theme park when it opens. That's what this is about, isn't it? You're pulling some kind of publicity stunt."  
  
"That's not true!" shouted Brain, rising to his feet. "We're here because we were kidnapped and taken away from our homes, and our friend Arthur may be seriously hurt or dead. Now, are you going to help us find him, or not?"  
  
Gonzales' voice was starting to sound angry. "I can't help you without knowing who you really are. Looking for missing cartoon characters is not part of my job description. Now, why don't you take off those masks, so we can have a good look at your faces?"  
  
"They're not masks," said Binky as Brain sat down.  
  
"He really is that funny-looking," joked Francine, gesturing at Binky.  
  
"Hey!" Binky growled.  
  
"Do your parents live around here?" asked Officer Clancy.  
  
"No," answered Buster, "they all live in Elwood City."  
  
"Elwood City?" Clancy thought for a moment. "I never heard of it. Which state is it in?"  
  
"It doesn't exist, Clancy," said Gonzales. "It's the town where the Arthur show takes place."  
  
"The Arthur show?" Clancy thought for another moment. "Never heard of it."  
  
"It's a kid's show," said Gonzales. "I think these kids have been walking around in their costumes in the hot sun for too long. Now they think they're actually the characters from the show."  
  
"But we ARE the characters from the show!" Muffy blurted out. "Uh...I mean..."  
  
"Guys," Fern said to the others, "I think we'd better start cooperating, or else we'll never get anywhere."  
  
The other kids stared blankly at her. She turned to face Officer Gonzales.  
  
"You're absolutely right, officer. We're local kids who were recruited to dress up like the characters on the Arthur show. Only something bad happened, and the next thing we knew, we were being carried away in a truck, and Arthur...er, the kid who was playing Arthur looked like he was dead."  
  
Officer Gonzales scribbled down some notes and then spoke. "This is more like it. Now, what are your names?"  
  
"Er...uh..." Fern stammered. "My name's...Elizabeth. Elizabeth Barrett." She pointed at Muffy. "And this is Yolanda Walgreen. As in, Walgreen's 24-Hour Pharmacy."  
  
"I am going to kill you with my bare hands, Fern," Muffy muttered under her breath.  
  
"My name's Flash Gordon," said Buster, "but all my friends call me Jim."  
  
"Alan Powers is my real name," said Brain. "I'm not really a brain. I just play one on TV."  
  
"And my name's Brenda Starr," said Francine. "That's with two R's."  
  
"And I'm Englebert Humperdinck," said Binky.  
  
"Can you spell that?" Gonzales asked him.  
  
"Uh..."  
  
"Never mind," said Gonzales, turning her head to look at Fern. "What are your parents' names, Elizabeth?"  
  
"Uh...my parents are out of town," said Fern. "They're always traveling. My dad's a...a...a diplomat."  
  
"What about your parents, Yolanda?"  
  
"Well, you know," said Muffy, casting a quick dirty glance at Fern, "my parents have to go all over the place managing their chain of drug stores."  
  
"What about you, er, Flash?"  
  
"My dad's a pilot," Buster explained. "And my mom is a...a...a pilot, too."  
  
Officer Gonzales put her pen down. "Hold on a minute. Am I to understand that all of your parents are away, and you're wandering around downtown Orlando on your own?"  
  
"Yeah, that more or less sums it up," said Francine cheerily.  
  
"Kids these days," Officer Clancy remarked. "Too much freedom." He turned on his heel and left the room.  
  
"Isn't anybody watching you?" asked Gonzales with growing alarm in her voice.  
  
"Nope," said Fern casually. "Looking back at it now, I guess that's why we got kidnapped."  
  
Gonzales put her hand to her forehead and groaned. Clancy re-entered the room, this time with a basket of chocolate chip cookies in his hand.  
  
"Cookies, anyone?" he said to the kids.  
  
"Sure," said Francine as she raised a hand and pulled a cookie from the basket.  
  
"Francine, no!" Buster exclaimed with fright.  
  
Francine replaced the cookie. "What's wrong, Buster?"  
  
"We don't know if those alien cookies are safe to eat," said Buster. "They could be laced with mind-controlling drugs."  
  
Francine scowled at him. "Don't be silly, Buster...I mean, Jim." Clancy held the cookie basket in front of her again, but she waved it off. "Come to think of it, I'm not that hungry."  
  
"Is anyone else hungry?" asked Clancy. All the kids shook their heads.  
  
"Buster's not hungry?" Muffy whispered to Francine. "Now I know this is a dream."  
  
"We'll have to find some other way to get them to take off their masks," Gonzales said to Clancy.  
  
Several hours passed, and the conversation between the kids and the officers remained unproductive.  
  
"So I asked my mom and dad how long they would be in Karjakistan," Brain recounted. "They said that the original mandate was for a six-month peacekeeping mission, but it would probably turn into five years."  
  
Officer Clancy leaned against the wall, a bored expression on his face. Officer Gonzales, still sitting at her desk, struggled to keep her eyelids from drooping. She grabbed a nearby thermos and poured herself another cup of coffee.  
  
Several more hours passed. The clock on the wall showed five P.M.  
  
"...and that's how my parents got together," said Buster. "If my dad hadn't accidentally triggered the metal detector, I probably wouldn't be here today."  
  
Muffy elbowed Fern, who was snoring loudly.  
  
"I really think we've taken up too much of your time," Francine said to Officer Gonzales.  
  
The policewoman was too busy yawning to respond.  
  
"Not at all," said Officer Clancy as he took a bite out of a chocolate chip cookie.  
  
As the kids rose to leave, Gonzales raised a hand to stop them. "I need a phone number so I can call you when the results of the plate trace come in," she said groggily.  
  
Muffy glanced down at her cell phone, then at Gonzales. "Uh...well..."  
  
Brain smiled. "Wait, I've got it." He pulled a slip of paper from his pants pocket and showed it to Officer Gonzales, who copied what was written onto her notepad.  
  
"Thanks," she said to him. "It'll probably be around noon tomorrow."  
  
"Can I make a phone call before I go?" Brain asked her.  
  
"Sure, whatever," she replied indifferently.  
  
"The phone's out in the lobby," said Officer Clancy.  
  
As the kids left the room, Officer Gonzales sank her head into her hands and moaned.  
  
"Well, you must admit, that was interesting," Clancy remarked.  
  
"It's already five," said Gonzales, glancing at the wall clock. "I wasted a whole day with those people. A whole day!"  
  
Meanwhile, Brain located the courtesy phone in the lobby of the police station. His friends surrounded him, filled with curiosity.  
  
"Whose number did you give her?" Binky asked him.  
  
"Who are you calling?" asked Buster. "We don't know anybody on this planet."  
  
"Maybe not, but we've got plenty of devoted fans," said Brain. He picked up the receiver and dialed Bella Tarski's number.  
  
(To be continued...) 


	5. Chapter 5

Dressed in an artist's smock, Bella Tarski sat on a stool in her bedroom, applying acrylics to a canvas. About a dozen of her paintings adorned the pale yellow walls, each one of them a homage to a classic work, but involving Arthur characters: Arthur and Buster in Grant Wood's "American Gothic", Francine in Edvard Munch's "The Scream", Brain in Vincent van Gogh's "Self-Portrait with Bandaged Ear", Muffy in Erte's "Glamour", and the largest, Georges Seurat's "Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte" with the whole gang. The picture she was working on was half finished, and resembled Gustav Klimt's "The Kiss", with herself and Brain as the participants.  
  
As she labored carefully, the doorbell suddenly rang. Excited, she placed her brush on a tray, stood, and hurried out of the bedroom. Her mother was peering through the peephole in the apartment door, which was secured by several deadbolts and chain locks.  
  
"Who is it, Mom?" asked Bella enthusiastically. "Is it him? Is it Brain?"  
  
"Yes, it's Brain," answered her mother, not moving her eye from the peephole. "And it looks like he brought the whole neighborhood with him."  
  
"Let them in, Mom!" cried Bella, almost jumping with anticipation.  
  
Ms. Tarski turned around and brushed a few unruly strands of brown hair from her face. "I'm not letting in any strange kids in costumes," she said firmly.  
  
"But they're not strange," Bella lied as she stood on her tiptoes, looking through the peephole. "They're my friends from school."  
  
"In that case, go ahead," said Ms. Tarski, walking away from the door.  
  
Bella turned the deadbolt knobs, unlatched the chains, and opened the door to allow Buster, Francine, Muffy, Brain, Binky, and Fern to enter.  
  
"It's you, Brain! It's really you!" gushed Bella, hardly able to contain her excitement. "And Francine! And Buster!"  
  
"Yeah, it's really me," said Brain, smiling and shaking hands with Bella.  
  
"Greetings from Earth," said Buster. "We come in peace."  
  
"So you're Bella," said Francine. "It's nice to meet you."  
  
Ms. Tarski watched curiously as the six visitors exchanged greetings with her daughter.  
  
"Nice place you have here," Fern commented.  
  
"Is that your mom?" asked Binky, gesturing at Ms. Tarski.  
  
"Yeah, that's my mom," said Bella. "My dad doesn't live with us anymore."  
  
Ms. Tarski spoke up. "You said they were your friends, Bella. You talk like you've never met them."  
  
Bella stared at her blankly for a moment.  
  
"Oh, we're just acting," she finally said. "We're going to put on an Arthur play at school. I'm the director."  
  
"My name's Elizabeth," said Fern. "Elizabeth Barrett."  
  
"I see," said Ms. Tarski, folding her arms. "And which of you is Robert Browning?"  
  
Fern feigned ignorance. "Who?"  
  
"My name's Brenda," said Francine. "And this is Yolanda," she added, waving a hand at Muffy.  
  
"I hate that name," Muffy muttered.  
  
"Make yourselves at home, kids," said Ms. Tarski as she started toward her bedroom. "Don't make too much noise. I've got some case work to finish." She closed the door after her and disappeared.  
  
Bella went to the kitchen and opened the freezer. "We've got plenty of ice cream," she said, pulling out a few half gallons.  
  
"All right!" exclaimed Buster happily. "Got any calamari ripple?"  
  
"Nope, sorry." Bella opened a drawer and pulled out an ice cream scoop. "But we've got prawn praline. And pepperoni fudge."  
  
Buster rubbed his stomach. "Mmm. This planet has good taste."  
  
As he grabbed a bowl and prepared to serve himself, Muffy tapped him on the shoulder. "You'd better not eat any of that alien ice cream," she warned. "It might turn you into a mutant cyborg or something."  
  
"Oh, don't be silly." Buster grabbed a large spoon and began to shovel ice cream into his mouth. After several bites, he stopped, laid down his spoon, put his hand to his forehead, and grimaced.  
  
"What's wrong, Buster?" asked Binky, who was filling his bowl with scoops of Rocky Roadkill (featuring animal-shaped marshmallows).  
  
"Brain freeze," said Buster painfully. "Oh, man, one of these days I'm gonna have that part of my brain removed."  
  
"You'll be all right in a few seconds," said Bella. "We also have some peanut butter and rhubarb cookies in the cookie jar."  
  
Binky suddenly set down his bowl and put both hands to his forehead. "Ow! Oh, my head!"  
  
Francine, who was about to take a bite of prawn praline, set down her spoon and bowl. "Are you okay, Binky?" she asked with a look of concern.  
  
"I've got brain freeze too," he moaned. "But I've never had it like this before."  
  
"I'm gonna sit down," said Buster, who was still rubbing his forehead. He made his way to the couch, followed by Binky.  
  
"Well, maybe we should skip the ice cream part," Fern suggested.  
  
Bella started to place the ice cream boxes in the freezer. "Maybe later, then."  
  
Brain wandered into the living room and began to examine a shelf full of video tapes. "What are these tapes, Bella?" he asked.  
  
Bella walked over to his side, smiling. "I recorded all the episodes. How many of them have you seen?"  
  
"Uh..." Brain began.  
  
"Oh, silly me," said Bella bashfully. "Why am I asking you that question? You're one of the characters." She giggled.  
  
"Let's watch one of these," said Francine, grabbing the leftmost tape on the shelf. She carried it across the room to the entertainment center, where she inserted it into the video player.  
  
Bella picked up the remote control from an end table and turned on the power to the TV. The kids, except for Bella and Brain, sat down on the couch and love seat next to the somewhat sick-looking Buster and Binky.  
  
"While you're all watching the show," said Brain to his friends, "Bella and I have a date with a math book."  
  
"Oh, yeah," said Bella. "Excuse us." She led Brain into her bedroom, and closed the door halfway behind them.  
  
In the meantime, Buster, Francine, Muffy, Binky, and Fern watched the TV screen as an actor in a purple dinosaur costume danced about, surrounded by playing children.  
  
"This looks really stupid," Muffy remarked.  
  
"This must be what comes on before our show," Fern theorized.  
  
"I'll bet it's this planet's version of Mary Moo Cow," said Buster.  
  
"I...like...it," droned Binky, his eyes starting to glaze over.  
  
Moments later, the scene on the TV screen changed to one of a little dog running down the sidewalk.  
  
Francine lunged forward in her seat. "That's Pal!" she cried in astonishment.  
  
This scene was followed by Arthur walking alongside the dog, and D.W. poring over a children's book.  
  
"D.W. always wanted to be on TV," said Buster.  
  
"I wonder how she'll react when we tell her Arthur's dead," said Francine seriously.  
  
After the opening credits ended, images of a grade-school science fair appeared on the TV screen.  
  
"Ooh, a science fair," said Francine. "This must be an episode about The Brain."  
  
At that moment, Brain was staring with amazement at the paintings hanging on the walls of Bella's bedroom. The blond girl sat at her desk, in the act of opening her algebra book to the third chapter.  
  
"It's...it's incredible," Brain stammered. "You're such a talented artist. But...why do you paint us?" He looked at the partially filled-in canvas, with its image of himself and Bella sharing a tender smooch. "Why do you paint me?" he added, his voice sounding a bit nervous.  
  
"For inspiration," said Bella, slowly rising from the desk chair. "Nothing inspires me more than watching you and your friends on TV."  
  
Brain swallowed. "All right, then," he said, trying to change the subject, "let's get started on that math homework."  
  
Bella took a few tentative steps toward Brain. When she saw that the boy didn't back away, she smiled gleefully. Her eyes sparkled.  
  
Fear rooted Brain to the spot. "Uh...er...you...you didn't bring me in here for mathematical purposes, did you?"  
  
"I always dreamed you would be the first boy I kissed," said Bella ecstatically. "But I knew it was impossible, because you're not a real person. But now...oh, Alan..."  
  
The petrified Brain could only make inhaling noises. "Eep..."  
  
In the living room, the other kids watched with interest as the events of the episode unfolded.  
  
Suddenly Muffy leaped to her feet, an expression of outrage on her face.  
  
"That's not me!" she cried indignantly, her fists clenched. "I would never bribe someone! I would never cheat!"  
  
"Sit down, Muffy," said Buster with an annoyed tone.  
  
Muffy, still angry, turned and walked toward the kitchen. "I'm not watching another minute of this...this pointless farce!" she yelled.  
  
"Nobody's forcing you to watch," said Fern callously.  
  
On the TV screen, Brain laughed manically as he plotted his revenge against Muffy.  
  
"Well, at least they've got Brain's personality right," Francine quipped.  
  
Then she heard a sound coming from the kitchen that concerned her. She rose and walked in the direction of the sound, followed shortly by Fern.  
  
To their alarm, Muffy was sitting at the kitchen table, covering her face with her hands and sobbing bitterly. They quickly took seats at either side of her.  
  
"I'm sorry," said Fern comfortingly. "I didn't know it offended you so much."  
  
"You can talk to us about it," said Francine.  
  
Muffy lowered her hands; her cheeks were wet with tears.  
  
"Won't this nightmare ever end?" she lamented. "I want it to end! I want to go home!"  
  
Francine put a hand on Muffy's shoulder. "I know. I want to go home too. We all do."  
  
Muffy's voice grew more frantic. "But we can't go home. There's no such place as Elwood City. There's no Lakewood Elementary. There's no Crosswire Motors. It's all a stupid freaking kid's show!"  
  
"Don't cry, Muffy," said Fern gently. "Everything's all right."  
  
"Everything's all wrong!" Tears gushed from Muffy's eyes. "We're not supposed to be real! We're cartoon characters come to life!"  
  
As Francine and Fern tried to calm the panicking Muffy, Buster and Binky watched one tape of recorded episodes after another, laughing and joking through every one. Before long the sun set, and the clock struck nine P.M.  
  
In Bella's bedroom, Bella lovingly massaged Brain's shoulders as he sat at her desk, coaching her through a long division problem.  
  
"...now nine goes into twenty-two twice, so you put a two at the top, then subtract eighteen from twenty-two..."  
  
"I want to be just like you, Alan," said Bella sweetly. "I want to be good at math and science like you are."  
  
"One step at a time," said Brain. "Now you get forty-five, which is nine times five, if you recall your times table..."  
  
Brain's explanation was interrupted when the doorbell rang.  
  
"I wonder who that could be," Bella mused as she hurried out of her bedroom.  
  
She reached the front door before her mother did. When she glanced through the peephole, she gasped with delight. "Omigosh!"  
  
Buster and Binky turned their faces from the TV screen. Muffy, Francine, and Fern looked up from the kitchen table.  
  
"Who is it?" asked Francine.  
  
Bella turned and smiled.  
  
"It's Arthur!"  
  
(To be continued...) 


	6. Chapter 6

The kids jumped to their feet with surprise and delight upon hearing that Arthur was at the door.  
  
"He's alive!" cried Fern, wringing her hands anxiously. "Arthur's alive!"  
  
"Why should he be otherwise?" asked Ms. Tarski as she took her daughter's place at the peephole.  
  
The relieved kids, including Brain, raced to the front door. "What are you waiting for?" asked Muffy. "Let him in!"  
  
Bella's mother unlocked and opened the door, and the Elwood kids saw that it was indeed true...their friend Arthur stood in the doorway, a friendly smile on his face.  
  
Muffy was the first to reach him. "Oh, Arthur, I was so worried!" she cried, embracing him. "I thought you were dead!"  
  
"Hi, Muffy," said Arthur emotionlessly. His warm expression didn't change.  
  
"You gave us quite a scare," said Brain cheerfully.  
  
"What happened to you?" asked Fern. "The last time I saw you, you were stiff and lifeless."  
  
"How did you know where to find us?" Buster asked him.  
  
Arthur took a few steps into the apartment. "I'll explain everything later," he said flatly. "Right now, I need you to come with me. I found a way to get us back home."  
  
The kids cheered. "What are we waiting for?" said Binky, clapping his hands with joy.  
  
Brain turned to Bella and smiled. "Thanks for everything. You've been very kind, but now it's time for us to go home."  
  
Bella looked downcast. "I knew it was too good to last." She looked eagerly at her mother. "Mom, can I go with them? Just to say goodbye."  
  
"All right," said Ms. Tarski with a hint of worry. "But stay where it's well-lighted, and don't cross the street."  
  
"Well, come on, guys," said Arthur, turning to leave the apartment. The other kids filed out and started to follow the aardvark down the hall.  
  
"Finally," said Buster cheerily, "we can get off this weird brain-freeze planet."  
  
"I'll miss you, Alan," said Bella glumly.  
  
"I'll miss you too," Brain responded.  
  
"Ooh, did you hear that?" Francine said to the others. "She called him Alan."  
  
"I think Brain's fallen in love with an alien woman," Fern remarked.  
  
Arthur led Bella, Brain, Buster, Muffy, Francine, Binky, and Fern through the back entrance of the apartment building. They found themselves in a small parking lot where about a dozen cars were lined up. A garbage dumpster stood nearby, and a lamppost provided a barely adequate amount of light.  
  
Arthur stopped in his tracks, and the other kids stood behind him. They noticed that a small truck was sitting in the lot, its cargo door open.  
  
"So," said Francine, "where to now, Arthur?"  
  
The boy didn't move, but continued to grin vacuously.  
  
In an instant, before they knew what was happening, six or seven black-clad adults strolled out of the shadows and surrounded the group of kids.  
  
"It's a trap!" cried Buster. He turned around and tried to go back into the apartment building, only to find the entrance blocked by a dark-haired, determined-looking man.  
  
The kids' expressions of hope turned to fear as the strangers formed a tighter circle around them. Muffy noticed that each one of them possessed a strange-looking handheld electronic device. "What are those things?" she asked aloud.  
  
"Stay calm," one of the women said reassuringly. "Don't be afraid. We only want to help you."  
  
"You must come with us," said a man next to her. "It's for your own safety. You won't be harmed."  
  
As the strangers drew closer and pointed their electronic gadgets at the kids, Binky turned to the still-smiling Arthur and glowered threateningly at him.  
  
"You traitor!" he bellowed. "You sold us out!"  
  
Before the other kids could stop him, the furious Binky reared back a fist, let it fly...  
  
...and quite literally punched Arthur's face off.  
  
The kids gasped in horror at the sight.  
  
The broken fragments of Arthur's face and glasses fell to the concrete, making a metallic clattering sound.  
  
Arthur reached up and touched the place where his face had been...  
  
...where there was now nothing but wires, blinking lights, and circuit boards...  
  
(To be continued...) 


	7. Chapter 7

Binky stepped backwards, gaping with shock and disbelief.  
  
"He's...he's a robot..." he stammered.  
  
"I knew it!" cried Buster. "He's not the real Arthur!"  
  
The faceless Arthur robot continued to curiously probe the exposed circuitry with his fingers.  
  
A moment later, Binky bumped into a black-clad man who stood behind him. The main raised his electronic device and placed it against the right side of Binky's neck. There was a brief noise not unlike a dentist's drill, and Binky suddenly became completely stiff.  
  
Bella, Fern, Muffy, Francine, Buster, and Brain gasped collectively as the apparently inanimate Binky fell backwards into the arms of the man who had applied the gadget to him.  
  
Then Francine's expression turned to one of rage.  
  
"YOU KILLED BINKY!" she roared. Screaming with fury, she charged at the man, knocking both him and Binky over with tremendous force.  
  
The black-clad attackers stepped away, looking a bit frightened. The kids, emboldened by Francine's example, turned and advanced menacingly.  
  
"You're not taking us without a fight!" shouted Brain. "Come on, guys!"  
  
Bella, Buster, Francine, Muffy, and Fern followed Brain as he lunged at one of the women in the circle. She sidestepped his attack and pointed her handheld device at him, but he deftly knocked it out of her hand. He and the other kids rushed through the opening in the circle, and were soon speeding around the corner of the apartment building, with the strangers in pursuit.  
  
The kids had reached the sidewalk and run about half a block when Brain looked over his shoulder. He was startled to see that Bella was far behind them, struggling to catch up...and there were three black-clad men breathing down her neck.  
  
Brain stopped and turned. "Wait!" he called to the others. "Bella's in trouble!"  
  
The other kids stopped and looked behind them. There was clearly no way that they could reach Bella in time to save her from their pursuers.  
  
Then, to their surprise, the three men sped past Bella, ignoring her.  
  
"I guess they're only interested in us," Francine remarked.  
  
"Keep running!" shouted Brain as the strange men drew closer.  
  
The five remaining Elwood kids started to run down the street again. Two blocks later, they halted, turned, and observed that the men were nowhere to be seen. A block away, Bella was running with all her strength, trying to keep up with her friends.  
  
The kids glanced around in every direction. "Where are they?" asked Muffy. "What happened to them?"  
  
"I don't know," said Brain. "Probably hiding somewhere. We'd better be careful."  
  
"They tried to trick us with an Arthur robot," said Fern. "That means the real Arthur may still be dead."  
  
Moments later, the heavily breathing Bella reached their position, and flung her arms around Brain.  
  
"How can...you...run so...fast?" she asked them, panting.  
  
"How fast were we running?" asked Francine.  
  
Brain became thoughtful as Bella removed her arms from his shoulders.  
  
"We just outran three grown men," he observed. "We shouldn't be able to do that."  
  
"Maybe the atmosphere of this planet gives us super powers," Buster suggested.  
  
Fern fingered her chin pensively. "Hmm..."  
  
"We can't go back to my apartment," said Bella. "They'll be looking for you there. A friend of mine lives four blocks from here. We'll stay at her place tonight."  
  
As Bella started down the sidewalk, Muffy raised a hand to stop her. "Wait!" she exclaimed. "What about Binky? We can't leave him!"  
  
"Binky's dead," said Francine dejectedly.  
  
"We don't know that," said Brain. "Maybe those weapons just stun people and make them look dead. Maybe that's what happened to Arthur."  
  
"We'd better keep moving," said Fern, "or they'll find us. Which way to your friend's house, Bella?"  
  
"That way," said Bella, pointing down a side street.  
  
The kids began to walk in silence through the darkened neighborhood. Bella placed her hand in Brain's. The boy smiled weakly.  
  
(To be continued...) 


	8. Chapter 8

A few minutes later, Bella and her companions arrived at the front door of a small, pastel-green house.  
  
"My friend's name is Tricia Cornwall," said Bella, ringing the doorbell. "I call her Trixie, or Trix for short. She's cool, but a little weird. You'll like her."  
  
Shortly thereafter the door opened, and a freckled, bespectacled eight-year-old girl with curly red hair poked her head out. "Hi, Bella," she said with what sounded vaguely like a New York accent.  
  
"Hey, Trix," said Bella cheerfully. "My friends need a place to stay for the night. Think you can help?"  
  
Trix adjusted her glasses and carefully scrutinized Buster, Francine, Muffy, Brain, and Fern, mumbling quietly to herself. Finally she spoke loud enough to be heard, and her voice had a haughty tone.  
  
"Your friends look suspiciously similar to the characters from that children's show that you like so much."  
  
"Well, yeah," said Bella. "They're wearing the costumes for our school play."  
  
Trix mumbled to herself for a second or two. "A bit childish, wouldn't you say, to wander around the neighborhood at night wearing animal costumes?"  
  
"It's actually quite logical," Brain spoke up. "Wearing our costumes night and day helps us to lose ourselves in our characters, thus facilitating a more convincing theatrical performance."  
  
Trix mumbled again; she seemed to be repeating parts of what Brain had just said. Then she opened the front door all the way.  
  
"I like you," she said to Brain, and then turned to Bella. "You and your friends are welcome to enter. I'll do my best to secure boarding for the night. We have ample space on our living room floor, if you don't object to sleeping on blankets."  
  
"Thanks a lot, Trix," said Bella as she walked through the door, followed by her friends. "Some day I'll return the favor."  
  
"You have a week," said Trix coldly.  
  
The inside of the house was unlike anything the Elwood kids had ever seen. In one corner was a huge glass sculpture that resembled tangled strands of spaghetti; in another there was a plaster facsimile of Rodin's "The Thinker". On the walls hung reprints of paintings by such artists as Mondriaan and Pollock, alongside posters of authors like Kafka, Beckett, and Kerouac. The furniture was contemporary in design, and on one side of the living room sat a large-screen TV. A couple, apparently Trix's parents, sat on the couch, whose arms made unusual angles.  
  
"Mom, Dad," announced Trix, "some of my friends have come over. They'd like to spend the night."  
  
Her mother, a slim woman with hair like Trix's but much shorter, turned her head and smiled slightly. "That's fine, Tricia."  
  
Her father looked curiously at the visitors. He was a mostly bald, slightly overweight man who wore horn-rimmed prescription glasses. "Why are they wearing costumes?" he asked Trix.  
  
"We've been rehearsing for the school play," Francine explained.  
  
"Trix has some cool stuff she'd like to show you all," said Bella. She and Trix led Buster, Francine, Muffy, and Brain into Trix's bedroom; Fern, however, was distracted by a sound that she thought was familiar. She followed it into one of the other rooms.  
  
As she expected, it was the sound of clinking weights.  
  
She had entered a room that resembled a full-blown fitness center. A treadmill and recumbent bike machine stood on one end, with various forms of weight-lifting equipment filling the remainder. A twelve-year-old red-haired boy, dressed in shorts and a sweatshirt, was working out on the bench press machine. A portable MP3 player was attached to his belt, and a headset pumped loud rock music directly into his ears.  
  
When he saw Fern looking at him, his eyes widened with surprise. He quickly lowered the weights, sat up, and removed his headset.  
  
"Whoa, Trix," he said, grinning. "You really gave me a start there. What's with the dog costume?"  
  
"I'm not Trix," Fern explained. "My name's...uh...Elizabeth. I'm a friend of Bella's."  
  
"Oh, yeah," said the boy. "I'm Trix's brother, Gary. So why the costume?"  
  
"We're rehearsing for a school play," Fern answered. "It's based on the Arthur TV show. You know about that show, right?"  
  
"My parents don't let me watch cartoons." Gary stood up, grabbed a towel hanging from the machine next to him, and wiped the sweat from his forehead.  
  
Fern started to speak bashfully. "Do you...uh...mind if I..."  
  
"What?" said Gary, leaning over.  
  
"I'd...uh...like to do a little weightlifting, if it's not too much to ask."  
  
"Go ahead," said Gary as he pushed a button on his MP3 player to deactivate it. "But I think you should change out of that costume first. Otherwise you'll get all hot and sweaty."  
  
"I won't be at it for that long," Fern lied.  
  
"Whatever." Gary started to leave the fitness room. "I'll go see what Trix is up to."  
  
As he left, Fern reached into the bench press machine, pulled out the pin, and adjusted the weight to 100 pounds. Then she lowered herself onto the platform and grasped the handles.  
  
To her surprise, she lifted the weight with hardly any effort.  
  
She increased the weight to 200 pounds. Once again, she easily lifted it. She found 300 pounds to be only slightly more strenuous. She adjusted the weight to its maximum, 500 pounds, and lifted it with a modest amount of effort.  
  
Not feeling fatigued in the slightest, she leaped from the bench press platform and walked over to the treadmill. "Interesting," she said to herself. "Maybe Buster's got a point."  
  
Gary came into Trix's room as she was preparing to show Buster, Francine, Brain, and Muffy some of the items she had collected over the course of her family's travels.  
  
"My dad is the world expert on traveling economically," said Trix as she opened a glass case to pull out some knick-knacks. "Whatever extra money he makes on the lecture circuit, he puts into a travel account. We go on four trips per year."  
  
"Have you shown them the hopping ghost yet?" asked Gary.  
  
"I'll do that one first," said Trix. "Now, I'm fascinated with world cultures, especially when it comes to beliefs in the supernatural. I spent a week in China last year, and among the things I brought home with me was...this."  
  
She held up a six-inch statue of a pale-looking man with outstretched arms, dressed in a Chinese robe and cap. His eyes were red-rimmed, and his fingernails grotesquely elongated.  
  
"Cool," said Buster. "Is that a hopping ghost?"  
  
"Yes, it is." Trix carefully handed the figurine to Buster. "It's believed among rural Chinese in some areas that a person who is improperly buried may come back as a hopping ghost."  
  
"It's like a zombie," Francine remarked as Buster handed the statue to her.  
  
"Exactly," said Trix. "They hop around because their joints are stiff from rigor mortis. If they get their hands around your neck, they can strangle the life out of you."  
  
Muffy grimaced with displeasure. "Eww! And I thought Sue Ellen had some weird stuff."  
  
"I want to be a writer some day," said Trix. "I'm putting together some ideas for an anthology of ghost stories from different cultures. My mom and dad think it's all quite silly."  
  
"Well, it is," said Brain. "Those things are superstitions. They don't really exist."  
  
"That's not what I mean," Trix clarified. "They think my book idea is silly. I know hopping ghosts and vampires aren't real, but it's no more harmful to read and write about them than it is to watch a TV show about talking aardvarks."  
  
As the evening progressed, Trix showed Bella's friends her collection of African vampire memorabilia, some figures of the Vircolac, or Romanian werewolf, and various other intriguing items.  
  
At about ten o'clock, Mrs. Cornwall laid down some blankets and pillows on the living room floor. Bella changed into the pajamas that Trix had loaned her, then poked her head into the fitness room to see Fern running, with great speed, on the treadmill.  
  
"You coming to bed, Fern?" she asked.  
  
"Go ahead without me," said Fern without turning her head or breaking her stride.  
  
Bella closed the door to the fitness room, lay down on one of the blankets, and observed that Francine, Muffy, Buster, and Brain were walking around, still dressed in their day clothes. "Do any of you need something to sleep in?" she asked them.  
  
"Seeing that Gary has nothing that would fit me," said Brain logically, "and that Trix is a girl, therefore, I'll sleep in what I'm wearing, thank you."  
  
"Same here," said Buster.  
  
"I've seen Trix's footy pajamas," said Muffy haughtily.  
  
"If the rest of you can sleep in your clothes," said Francine, "I guess I can, too."  
  
"Does anybody need to use the bathroom?" asked Bella.  
  
Brain, Muffy, Francine, and Buster looked at each other, then shook their heads.  
  
"Well, then, let's hit the hay," said Bella, pulling a blanket over her.  
  
Muffy watched as Brain lay down on the blanket next to Bella. "You two behave yourselves, okay?" she said facetiously.  
  
"I assure you, our relationship is strictly platonic," said Brain.  
  
"What's platonic?" asked Francine, lying down on another blanket.  
  
"I think it means radioactive," said Buster.  
  
Soon Bella, Francine, Muffy, Buster, and Brain were all lying down, covered with blankets. There was, however, one thing they had overlooked...  
  
"Isn't anybody going to turn off the light?" Muffy complained.  
  
"Ask your servant to do it," said Francine.  
  
"How rude," said Muffy. Turning on her side, she quickly dozed off to the faint whine of the treadmill in the fitness room.  
  
----  
  
It seemed that no time passed at all before the rays of the sun poked through the blinds, waking up the sleeping children one by one.  
  
Bella sat up, yawned, and stretched. Muffy, Francine, Brain, and Buster rose to their feet effortlessly, with no sign of drowsiness.  
  
"I think that was the most refreshing sleep I've ever had," Brain remarked.  
  
"So," asked Francine as she brushed out the wrinkles in her shirt, "when are we heading back to the police station?"  
  
"They said they'd have the information at about noon," said Brain.  
  
Muffy looked around, surprised. "Where's Fern?"  
  
Buster craned his ear. The high-pitched treadmill whine was still emanating from the fitness room. "She's exercising again."  
  
He opened the door to the fitness room and walked inside. As he expected, Fern was running speedily along on the treadmill, still wearing her street clothes. The first thing he noticed was that she wasn't sweating or breathing heavily, two things that always happened to Buster about ten seconds into any exercise routine he attempted.  
  
Then he glanced at the readings on the treadmill panel...and almost fell backwards with shock.  
  
The speed setting was 15 miles per hour.  
  
Fern had run more than 100 miles...  
  
(To be continued...) 


	9. Chapter 9

When Fern noticed Buster gaping at her, she shut down the treadmill and leaped off.  
  
"How did...how..." stammered the incredulous rabbit boy.  
  
"You were right, Buster," said Fern, smiling gleefully. "Something about this world gives us superhuman abilities."  
  
"You...you ran on the treadmill all night?" Buster looked at the treadmill panel again to make sure his eyes hadn't been deceived somehow.  
  
"Yes," said Fern, "and I can bench-press 500 pounds. At least."  
  
"Whoa." Buster pondered for a second. "That's...that's..."  
  
"I could lift all of Mr. Ratburn's class put together," Fern boasted.  
  
Buster grinned. "So what are we afraid of? When those creeps come after us, we'll just send 'em to the cleaners to get their clocks cleaned."  
  
"Enough with the hard-boiled detective talk," Fern complained.  
  
Moments later, all the Elwood kids were gathered in the fitness room, each taking a turn on the bench-press machine and treadmill. To their amazement and delight, each one of them proved to possess strength and speed comparable to Fern's.  
  
Bella entered the room and addressed them. "I think we should go back to my apartment now. I called my mom last night, but I'm afraid she'll worry about me anyway. And those kidnappers won't dare come around during the day."  
  
"And if they do," said Francine, making a fist, "we'll clobber 'em, as Binky would say."  
  
"I wouldn't be too confident," Bella warned them. "After last night, they probably know all about your powers now."  
  
"Bella's right," said Muffy. "What if they send an army of Arthur robots against us? They could be as strong and fast as we are."  
  
A startled expression briefly passed over Brain's face.  
  
"Alan, what is it?" asked Bella, concerned.  
  
"Uh...nothing," said Brain, but Bella could easily tell that it was more than nothing.  
  
"Get ready to go, guys," said Bella as she started to leave the fitness room. "I'm going to thank Trix for her hospitality."  
  
Seeing that Trix wasn't in the living room, but that the door to her bedroom was partially open, Bella quietly slipped through the doorway into Trix's bedroom. Trix was talking on the phone, her back turned to Bella.  
  
Bella was about to leave the room so as to not distract Trix from her phone conversation...until she overheard what the red-haired girl was saying.  
  
"...and there's a dog girl, and two monkey girls. They spent the night here. What exactly are they wanted for, if I may ask?"  
  
"Trix, who are you calling?" Bella blurted out.  
  
Trix lowered the receiver and turned to face Bella. "Why didn't you tell me that your friends were fugitives from the law?"  
  
Bella gasped, not believing what she had just heard. "What...? Fugitives? The law?"  
  
"You didn't know?" said Trix incredulously. "Go take a look at the telephone pole outside of my house."  
  
As Francine, Muffy, Fern, Buster, Brain milled about in the living room, they were surprised to see Bella rush past them and through the front door.  
  
"What's gotten into her?" Francine wondered aloud.  
  
"Let's go find out," Brain suggested.  
  
The five Elwood kids exited Trix's house and noted with surprise that Bella was staring at a poster attached to a telephone pole, an expression of horror on her face.  
  
"What is it, Bella?" asked Brain as he drew closer.  
  
Bella turned to him. "We've got to get to my place right now!" she cried with alarm.  
  
Standing in front of the pole, Brain, Francine, Buster, Fern, and Muffy were startled to see their own faces, in front and side views, printed on the poster. Above the pictures, in large capital letters, appeared the word WANTED.  
  
Brain recited the words that were written underneath the pictures. "These fugitives are extremely dangerous. If you see them, do not attempt to apprehend them. Call the police immediately. Emergency 911."  
  
"Trix is calling the police," said Bella anxiously. "We have to get out of here!"  
  
"Wait a minute," Fern observed astutely. "Binky isn't on the poster."  
  
"You mean..." Buster started.  
  
"The police know that Binky was kidnapped, and maybe killed."  
  
"Oh." Buster became worried. "Then the police are in cahoots with the people who kidnapped him...and maybe killed him."  
  
"Elementary, my dear Buster," Fern quipped.  
  
Bella took a few steps away from the pole. "What are you waiting for?" she called frantically. "The police will be here any minute!"  
  
"The police are here now," Brain stated matter-of-factly.  
  
Indeed, two police cars were speeding down the street in their direction-- followed closely behind by two black station wagons.  
  
"RUN!" cried Francine at the top of her lungs.  
  
"Alan, wait!" said Bella to Brain as he was assuming a running position. "I can't run as fast as you can!"  
  
"They're not after you!" Brain exclaimed.  
  
Bella's voice became desperate. "Please, Alan!"  
  
Without a word, Brain grabbed Bella around the waist, lifted her effortlessly, and laid her atop his shoulders. Then he ran after the fleeing Muffy, Buster, Fern, and Francine.  
  
The kids ran with all their strength, but could hear the approaching sirens growing louder. Bella pointed at a field overgrown with weeds located next to the sidewalk, roughly a block ahead of them. "We can get away from them through that field!" she cried.  
  
They ran and ran. Suddenly the sirens stopped. Muffy briefly glanced backwards and saw that the police cars and black station wagons had pulled over to the curb, and several police officers and black-clad men and women were climbing out.  
  
And Muffy saw something else. Fern had fallen significantly behind...  
  
"Fern!" shouted Muffy, coming to a halt. Francine, Buster, and Brain, with Bella on his shoulders, also stopped and turned.  
  
A look of consternation was on Fern's face as she ran more and more slowly toward them. Her joints appeared to become increasingly stiff. In a matter of seconds she was clumsily lurching forward, struggling to make progress.  
  
Buster suddenly became terrified. "Omigosh! She's turning into a hopping ghost!"  
  
"Buster! Francine!" Brain ordered. "Go get her! We'll carry her!"  
  
Francine started to run towards Fern, but Buster blocked her path. "Stay away from her!" he cried. "She'll strangle you!"  
  
"Buster, get out of the way!" Brain barked.  
  
But it was too late to rescue Fern. Almost completely immobile, she was snatched up by a pursuing police officer, who started to carry her toward the parked police cars. Two more officers, accompanied by two men in black, sped past him in pursuit of the other kids.  
  
"Come on!" shouted Brain. He, Muffy, Francine, and Buster turned and raced toward the field, quickly outpacing their pursuers.  
  
Upon arriving at the edge of the field, the four kids and Bella charged into the midst of the weeds, zigzagging back and forth in the hopes that the officers would not be able to follow their trail. Their flight took them past a dozen homes and in the direction of a creek, on both sides of which grew numerous palmetto trees.  
  
Suddenly Brain tripped over a cable that had been left lying on the ground, obscured by weeds. He plunged forward on his face, and Bella fell from his shoulders, landing in the weeds and rolling several times.  
  
Brain pushed himself up. "Bella!"  
  
"Keep going!" Bella cried, her hair and blouse disheveled.  
  
Brain leaped to his feet and started to run again, soon clearing the gap between himself and Buster, Muffy, and Francine.  
  
They reached the creek and ran along its edge for what seemed like half a mile, before Francine called on them to stop. "I think we've lost them," she said.  
  
Brain looked at Buster angrily. "What kind of idiot are you? There's no such thing as a hopping ghost!"  
  
"In that case," Buster retorted, "why don't you explain what happened to Fern?"  
  
Brain's expression turned to one of frustration. "I don't know. I have a suspicion, but I hope to gosh I'm wrong."  
  
Muffy heard a faint rustling noise. "Someone's coming!"  
  
"That's impossible!" exclaimed Francine. "They can't run as fast as..."  
  
Before she could finish, she saw two figures approaching them through the unkempt weeds.  
  
They were Arthur and Binky...  
  
(To be continued...) 


	10. Chapter 10

Arthur, his face and glasses intact, and Binky stepped through the weeds and confronted Brain, Muffy, Francine, and Buster, who gazed upon them with surprise and fear.  
  
"You must come with us," said Arthur robotically.  
  
"We're the only ones who can help you," said Binky in a similarly monotonic fashion.  
  
Buster held out his arms against them. "Stay back! We know you're robots!"  
  
As he, Francine, and Muffy backed away, Brain stood still, an expression of awful realization on his face.  
  
He turned and spoke seriously to Buster. "You're a robot, too."  
  
Buster stopped in his tracks. His jaw dropped.  
  
"And so am I," Brain added. "We're all robots."  
  
"Good thinking, Brain," said Arthur. "As usual."  
  
"I think Brain's finally lost his mind," said Muffy indignantly.  
  
"I agree," said Francine.  
  
"I...I can't be a robot!" cried Buster. "I can...I mean, robots have to do whatever you tell them, but I can...uh...I can do whatever I want, so I know I'm not a robot!"  
  
"Are you coming with us or not?" Binky asked Brain.  
  
"Just a minute." Brain turned to Buster again. "The word you're searching for is 'free will'. I have it too, and I don't know how to explain it. But I think I know how to explain everything else that's been happening to us."  
  
"I'm listening," said Francine impatiently.  
  
"Let's start with the truck," said Brain. "We all woke up, but Arthur didn't respond. Maybe he wasn't powered on. That's why Fern thought he was dead."  
  
"That...makes sense, sort of," said Muffy.  
  
"Then you opened the door of the truck from the inside, Francine," Brain continued. "You shouldn't have been strong enough. That was the first example of our robot strength and speed."  
  
Buster suddenly became alarmed. "Wait a minute..."  
  
Brain and the girls looked at him expectantly.  
  
"I'm not hungry," he said. "All I've had to eat since yesterday was a few spoonfuls of ice cream, but I'm not hungry. It's because robots don't eat."  
  
"Omigosh..." Francine muttered fearfully.  
  
"And I haven't gone to the bathroom, either," Buster added.  
  
"You're right, Buster," said Brain. "Robots don't need to eat. But they still need an energy source to keep running."  
  
Muffy's face lit up. "Batteries!"  
  
"Exactly. I think that's what happened to Fern. She ran on the treadmill all night, and by morning her...uh, batteries...were almost exhausted."  
  
"Oh, no," said Francine glumly. "That means we'll run out of juice sooner or later. Just like Fern."  
  
"We can recharge you," said Arthur. "But you must cooperate."  
  
"We will," Brain told him, "I assure you."  
  
"You still haven't explained one thing," said Muffy. "If we're robots, then who created us, and why?"  
  
"I have the answer to that question," came a man's voice from the midst of the weeds.  
  
As Arthur, Binky, Brain, Muffy, Francine, and Buster watched, two police officers and two black-clad men stepped into the small clearing, accompanied by the smiling, fully functional Fern.  
  
Buster, Francine, and Muffy started to back away nervously. "Don't be afraid," Brain said to them. "I don't think they intend to hurt us."  
  
"My partner and I work for a robotics firm called Robomojo," said the first man in black. "The scientists at our firm created you to serve as animatronic characters at the Elwood City 3D theme park."  
  
"That's it?" Muffy lamented. "That's the whole purpose of our existence? Why, that's...vomitrocious!"  
  
"It's not such a bad existence," said Fern, still sporting a dopey grin.  
  
"All of the robots produced by Robomojo are equipped with free will circuits," said the second man in black. "When these circuits are active, a robot can make its own decisions, and may not even be aware that it's a robot. However, in some situations, it's best for the free will circuits to be deactivated."  
  
"Like what situations?" asked Buster.  
  
"As you recall, Binky here punched Arthur and broke his face in pieces. Now, imagine if Binky became angry with one of the kids at the theme park, and punched him. The child could be seriously injured, or killed."  
  
"I hadn't thought of that," said Brain quietly.  
  
As he spoke, he noticed that someone else was wandering slowly through the weeds in their direction. As the person drew near, he realized with delight that it was Bella Tarski.  
  
"Bella! Are you all right?" he exclaimed, smiling.  
  
"I'm scratched up a little, but I'm fine," the girl answered. "What are you all talking about?"  
  
"Your boyfriend has something to tell you, Bella," grumbled Francine.  
  
"I'm not really The Brain," Brain admitted to Bella. "I'm a robot."  
  
Bella's face fell. She spent a few seconds allowing what she had just heard to weigh upon her mind.  
  
"I...I knew you couldn't be real," she said sadly. "I thought you might be a dream, or an illusion. I thought I might be crazy, but I didn't care, as long as I could be with you. But...a robot?" She sighed. "That's not romantic at all."  
  
Brain turned to face the men in black again. "So, what happens to us now?"  
  
"I'm afraid you'll have to be dismantled," said the first man in black.  
  
Buster, Francine, and Muffy gasped. "No!" cried Bella. "You can't do that!"  
  
"You and your friends are defective," the second man in black told Brain. "Your free will circuits were turned off when you were shipped out, but they came back online by themselves. They're unpredictable. Binky and Fern may be docile now, but at any second they could turn on us and attack us."  
  
"The Arthur robot is free of the defect," said the first man in black. "That's why we used him to try to lure you out."  
  
"I don't want to be dismantled!" Muffy shouted angrily.  
  
"Me neither!" exclaimed Francine. "If you want to take us apart, you'll have to fight us first!"  
  
"Would you fight your friends?" asked the second man in black. "If we give the command, Arthur, Binky, and Fern will defend us. Violently, if necessary."  
  
Francine and Muffy slowly relaxed their threatening postures.  
  
"All right, then," said Brain submissively. "If that's the only way, then I'll cooperate."  
  
"No, Alan!" cried Bella desperately. "They can't take you apart! You're a living creature! You can make choices!"  
  
"He's not a living creature," the first man in black told her. "He's an animatronic character. He's a robot."  
  
"But you can't tell the difference," said Bella determinedly. "How do you know I'm not a robot? For that matter, how do you know you're not a robot?"  
  
"We're security personnel," said the first man in black. "We're not authorized to discuss metaphysics."  
  
"I think the girl may have a point, Roger," the second man in black said to him.  
  
Roger, the first man in black, sighed with exasperation. "Okay, we'll make you a deal. You and your robot friends come with us to Robomojo, and then you can plead their case before the scientists. I'm not promising anything."  
  
Bella looked longingly at Brain and his friends.  
  
"Say yes, Bella," Brain advised.  
  
----  
  
Brain awoke in a cold sweat. He glanced around nervously, and found to his relief that he was in his own bedroom, lying on his own bed. As he sat up slowly, he observed with pleasure that his stomach was growling, and that he needed to go to the bathroom.  
  
"It was a dream," he mumbled drowsily. "I'm not a robot."  
  
All that he could think about during his breakfast, bath, and walk to school was his fantastically vivid dream. He relived in his mind again and again the devastating realization that he and his friends were really robots, and his difficult but wise decision to accept the will of his creators.  
  
"I should write a book about this dream," he told himself. "Quickly, before I forget it."  
  
As he meandered down the sidewalk, he noticed a long, black limousine pulling up to the curb and stopping alongside him. The passenger door opened on his side.  
  
"Get in, Brain," Muffy demanded.  
  
Brain, somewhat taken aback, slowly climbed into the limo and sat down next to Muffy. As he closed the door and fastened his seat belt, Muffy's tone became serious and a little anxious.  
  
"Did you have the dream?"  
  
Brain's mouth fell open. Fear welled up in his stomach, but he pushed it down and tried to dismiss Muffy's question as a coincidence.  
  
"Uh...what dream?"  
  
"Don't play dumb," said Muffy. "You know the dream I'm talking about. The one where you and I and Francine and Arthur and Binky and Buster and Fern turn out to be robots."  
  
"Oh...that dream," said Brain quietly, although he felt as if his lungs were on fire. "Yeah, I had that dream."  
  
Muffy and Brain sat in silence for about half a minute.  
  
"Brain," Muffy half-whispered, "it really was a dream...wasn't it?"  
  
"Yeah," said Brain, although he wasn't entirely sure.  
  
Muffy sighed with relief. "Good. Because I did some totally embarrassing things in that dream."  
  
Brain smiled. "So did I."  
  
A short while later, Muffy and Brain climbed out of the limo in front of the entrance to Lakewood Elementary. As they walked through the double doors together, Buster and Francine approached them. Brain swallowed as he realized that he knew exactly what they would ask.  
  
"Did you have the dream?" the two asked in unison.  
  
Brain didn't answer, but merely groaned.  
  
"Yeah, we had the dream," said Muffy. "The robot dream, right?"  
  
"Fern and Binky had it too," said Buster.  
  
"Arthur didn't have it," said Francine. "But he was dead through the whole thing."  
  
"This really creeps me out, guys," said Muffy fearfully. "What if it's all true? What if we're all robots trapped in a cartoon fantasy world?"  
  
"We got along fine before," Francine observed. "So what difference does it make?"  
  
"I'm hungry again," said Buster, patting his stomach. "That's all I care about. Yesiree, that's me, Buster the Hungry Robot."  
  
Brain rolled his eyes and started walking toward Mr. Ratburn's classroom.  
  
When he was halfway there, he glanced something out of the corner of his eye that made him freeze in his tracks.  
  
A blond rabbit girl, probably eight years old, was sitting on a bench, studying a book about famous paintings.  
  
Brain had never seen this particular girl before, but there was something oddly familiar about her...  
  
Hesitantly, he walked over to the bench and sat down next to her. He had hardly opened his mouth to say hello when the girl suddenly squealed with delight.  
  
"Alan! Oh, it's you!"  
  
The voice was unmistakable.  
  
"B-Bella?"  
  
The smiling rabbit girl started to massage Brain's shoulders.  
  
"I'm so happy to see you again!" she gushed. "The scientists debated for days...I thought they'd never reach a decision..."  
  
Brain struggled to recover from the shock of hearing Bella's voice again.  
  
"How can you be here?" he asked anxiously. "You're from the other world... the dream world...only it wasn't a dream, was it?"  
  
"It wasn't a dream," said Bella the Rabbit cheerfully. "The scientists at Robomojo decided to send you home instead of taking you apart."  
  
"You mean they hooked us up to a virtual Arthur world," said Brain. "This world."  
  
"Yes," said Bella, "and I'm in it, too. I'm the new girl in Miss Sweetwater's class. What do you think of my ears?"  
  
Brain fumbled for the right response. "Uh...they make you look fat."  
  
"Silly boy." Bella leaned over and kissed Brain on the cheek.  
  
"So that's all there is to it," said Brain gloomily. "It's just like Muffy said. I'm an artificial intelligence, living in an artificial universe created for the entertainment of others."  
  
"But I'm here with you," said Bella. "I'll always be here for you, Alan."  
  
"Always? But...what about your own life? What about your mom? Your friends? Your school?"  
  
Bella fell silent, apparently unable to think of an answer.  
  
Brain's expression slowly morphed into one of extreme disappointment.  
  
He covered his face with his hands. "Oh, no...no..."  
  
"Alan, what's wrong?" asked Bella.  
  
Brain lowered his hands and glared at her. "You're not Bella. You're just another robot."  
  
Bella again became silent. She gazed into empty space for a few seconds, then looked at Brain again.  
  
"Not exactly. I don't have a robot body like you do. I'm more what you would call...a sentient program."  
  
Brain shook his head dejectedly. He didn't look up at Bella.  
  
"Try to look at the cup as half full, Alan," she suggested.  
  
Brain rose to his feet, still averting his gaze from Bella's. "I need to get to class," he said unfeelingly, and walked away in the direction of Mr. Ratburn's room.  
  
"Alan!" Bella cried after him, but the boy did not answer.  
  
THE END (?) 


End file.
